Perfectly Suited

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony Stark was too old to play games. Every time he ran hot and cold with his partner was never a calculated power play so much as a deeply embedded habit built around mitigating whatever anxiety he’d built up. Even the old days full of ninja crawling out of bed just to avoid the morning after spiel were motivated by the intimidation (in part) of having them at all.

He’d gotten better at that part, though. Far better. Tony was curled up on the side of the long-suffering pink couch that wasn’t bearing a warped arm rest caused by some make-up rapporto sessuale from earlier in the evening, followed by a shower and the ceremonial poptart.

“You know—“ Tony brushed off some crumbs from his dark sweater, “You are terrible for my diet.”

Comments

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"I can't just do nothing. You know that." Tony paced about, woolen socks dragging on the plush carpet and creating little sparks of static electricity. "I can't distract myself. I see a situation, I've gotta..." He made little tinkering motions with his fingers before shoving the rest of the dry, sticky oats through his teeth.

[st_ormbreaker]

"You see too many problems," Thor says, somehow managing to keep the blueberry in place."There are some things that would sort themselves out if you didn't involve yourself. And I'm not talking about the kids."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony turned to face the Asgardian leisurely reclining, arms folded and brow furrowed expectantly.

"Well. Don't hold back on my account."

[st_ormbreaker]

"What?" Thor asks, the word coming out more like a statement than a question.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony took a deep breath and stepped back, tossing up his hands. ‘It’s in good faith. It’s in good faith.’

“Nothing. You might have a point.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor finally gives up balancing the blueberry; he plucks it off, sits up, and pops it into his mouth.

Thor munches away, thinking of how he wants to phrase this. He'd rather Tony fret over children then fret over the fate of the universe. He knows Tony would do the latter regardless, but maybe -- maybe he'd take some comfort in knowing there was a backup plan.

Quill seemed to.

"Quill and I have been talking," he says, once he's swallowed. "He thinks he knows where Thanos might have gone after..."

Thor gestures vaguely.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony squinted as he paced around to end up at the couch, bouncing as he fell rear-end first onto it. "What are you gonna do?"

[st_ormbreaker]

"If he's truly there, take the others and kill him," Thor lies easily. There probably wasn't going to be any others there. He had already been set on that path before his chat with Valkyrie, but her comments about Odin and leaving others to clean up the mess had cemented it for him.

It was his mess to clean up.

"Then, if possible, use the Infinity Stones to change the way things turned out."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony's jaw tightened. He felt as if he had something to say, but no words to say it.

"Alright."

[st_ormbreaker]

If Thor is at all bothered about Tony's response (or lack of it), it doesn't register on his face or in the tone of his voice.

"I just wanted you to know it's not all going to come down to you."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony angled his head to regard the colorful wallpaper on the distant wall. He didn't share it's cheerfulness, nor did he appreciate it for trying.

"I'm feeling kinda--" He began, pushing up to stand, "--kinda hungry lately. Chalking it up to Mercury being in alignment."

[st_ormbreaker]

"You want me to go make you something?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

In lieu of answering, Tony made a slow but straight shot for the couch, lowering to sit beside Thor's waist. His hand found the other man's, gripping it firmly.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor gives Tony's hand a squeeze, then looks at him as if hoping that his face might give him some clue to what's churning inside.

"Change your mind?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony shook his head, intertwining their grip. “...There are no secrets. From me. From now on.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor isn't exactly sure what brought this on or why Tony so swiftly segued from the topic of food back to whatever this was.

Thor welcomed the touch of Tony's hand on his own. He even welcomes the promise that he wouldn't keep secrets. But Tony was so inscrutable that Thor was left trying to fill in the gaps that led Tony from point A to point Z.

"I wasn't keeping it a secret from you," he says. "The plan's changed since I first arrived here."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony granted him that much with a brief smile, running his thumb along the side of Thor’s palm. “I’m scared. Out of my mind. Sometimes I can barely take it.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor's hand relaxes beneath the light pressure of Tony's thumb. Thor feels something move inside of him as if one organ was suddenly replaced with another.

"About what's to come?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“Not knowing when—when I’ll go. What I can change. Failing us.” Each admission was clipped, and Tony felt like he was apart from himself. “I see it. That vision of the future.”

[st_ormbreaker]

"You're not going to fail me, Tony," he says, trying to sound reassuring. "If things wind up the way they are now, there is a contingency plan. This is not all on you."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“A contingency for the greatest genocide known to sentient life?” Tony spat, far more harshly than he’d intended.

A long moment and he slumped over, regret written on his face. “Look...I’m sorry.” He clenched his eyes and ran an uneasy hand through his unstyled hair. It was still damp from the shower. “It gets to me. We’re all trying. I know.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor found himself suddenly seized up with emotion at Tony's words. There were times like these where the vast gulf of guilt felt as though it were going to pull him under and swallow him whole.

This is because of you.

There had to be a reason why he survived. Thanos' attack on The Statesman. The explosion afterwards. Drifting off in space. Nidavellir. The snap.

He needed to stay whole until after he returned. Until after he had fixed things. He would deal with this all then.

"It makes sense that it would, given what it is," Thor says. "Don't apologize for being human."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony cringed over that minute twitch he felt ripple through Thor's body. He squeezed the larger hand even harder to soothe it.

"I want memories. Good ones. I want to be a good memory--when there's nothing else of me left."

[st_ormbreaker]

"You are a good memory, Tony," Thor says. "Can you look at me or at Peter or at Pepper and think that you aren't?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“I just need to see it through.” So many ‘I’ statements. Tony was growing tired of himself, and he fell back across Thor’s waist.

“Hey...I do hear you. It’s what keeps me going.”