Iron Will, Iron Heart: Conductivity

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Blast. Recharge. Blast. Recharge. Blast Set up the fresh targets.

That had been Tony Stark's refrain for the last three days. The first day was dedicated solely to holding it as far from the hotel as humanly possible into the most remote desert location possible. Himself and his new toys, all alone. And the tent. There was no scenario where he wouldn't take that for the ride.

The plasma auto rifle--today's plaything--boasted rapid fire and plasma grenades. With nothing but sand, rock, and dust for miles, Tony was free to let loose. For the bigger blasts, Tony activated his armor--which was up to several minutes of stability at a time. With a sigh, the time limit ran out and he was left in his tank and fatigues bottoms. Adjusting it to the stun setting, he took aim at the few remaining targets.

Comments

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

The thin smirk was back, as well as some restless ankle tapping. Tony wasn't sure what to make of the reply, but everything just...hurt. His head, his stomach, his body. It ached.

"Alright."

[st_ormbreaker]

"Good," Thor say. And for a moment, Thor doesn't say or do anything else.

"Come here." The way he says it, it comes out as more of a request than a demand.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Putting aside his urge towards difficulty, Tony scooted within feet of Thor. "I'm here."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor reaches out and pulls Tony into his arms, taking careful care not to hug Tony quite as tightly as he'd like to.

"There," he says, pulling back, apparently satisfied. He holds Tony by the arms for just a moment longer, then gives him an affectionate pat on the side of one of them before relinquishing his grasp on him entirely.

"Much better, right?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony sat stiffly for a good ten seconds longer before his muscles gave out with the effort of appearing aloof. "Fine. I missed you. A lot." 'I'm a weak, tiny, sad little chipmunk.' He spat out a peanut. That should be the last of them.

"Look, I've been thinking. About you. Us."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor settles back down into the spot he was sitting in a moment or two before, then looks over at Tony.

"What about?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Thinking about everything." Tony gave a sideways glance at Thor Jr. '"But then again, I was thinking about nothing." God, they better have that album here.'

"I came to the conclusion that...we need to talk."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor knows what's coming. He had a similar conversation with Jane, so at least he knows how to ready himself for it.

"We're talking..." he says, hoping at least that Tony will do him the courtesy of ripping the bandage off more quickly than he is building it up.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Well. I am. Mostly. What else is new? Here's the thing--" Tony took a swig from his water bottle, needing to wet his throat. "You say things like, "Stark, I'd go to war for you" or "Stark, I'd die for you" and it...it gets to me. Like in a, 'oh that's so flattering way' but it's really fucked when I think about it because that's not who I am." Tony glanced up at Thor's face, gauging his attention.

"I'm Iron Man, but I'm also the kinda guy who cannot wait to hang it up, retire in some remote village in France and die surrounded by my family and some cats and some goats. And..." He sighed. "And it's not like I had some fantasy of us sharing this future. But when I hear you make all these--these declarations, it's like you don't see a future with you in it. And then it just, I dunno, made sense. You, me, the accusations, the flagrant hypocrisy." His hands were everywhere, gesturing at Thor, himself, Thor Jr., the tent, the desert, the greater universe. He took a deep breath, slowing down.

"There's this thing called 'projection.' Psychological term. Found it in my bid at playing therapist for myself, that's not important. Defense mechanism. Basically, when you've got thoughts or feelings that are just too much to cope with, you project them onto others and go after the target as a proxy." All of his attention was back on Thor at this point, and his hands were still. "There's something else you're not telling me, Big Guy. And I'm the proxy. That's what I think."

[st_ormbreaker]

"You're not the proxy," he says, and then he moves in to clarify before there can be any doubt. "There is no proxy. There's just a lot that's happened and you already know about it. I mean, hello! My family's dead, my best friend's dead, I killed my sister --" Thor points a finger at Tony. "-- destroyed Asgard to make that happen."

Thor takes a breath there, and is suddenly overwhelmed by the complete absurdity of it all. He remembers telling Jane about Loki and the snake and she was utterly horrified by it, even after Thor tried to assure her that it was okay, he wasn't upset about it at all. And that's what it feels like on some level right now. Except instead of trying to convince Jane he's not traumatized by telling her the good stories, he's trying to convince Tony there's nothing really worse than what he's spoken about already by telling him all the bad ones, with the same casual ease one might have while discussing the work day with a friend over shawarma.

"And that --" he continues, "That's stressing me out. But you aren't any part of it. It's just me --" And almost unconsciously, Thor plants a hand against his own chest in the same space where Tony had the wound in his dream. "-- freaking out, because of the whole freaky dream thing. And that stuff -- the stuff about the future? I've got like, probably another, I don't know, eight thousand years in me. My father died young and he was like, 6,800 years old or something, and that wasn't even old when you're looking at all-fathers. I mean, Bor -- my grandfather, he lived to be like, 12,000 years old or something."

Thor feels like he should wrap this up somehow, but he's been rambling on for so long now that he's pretty sure he lost track of the thread. Maybe it's time to get back to the heart of all this.

"But I can work on those things," he pronounces. "I can work on us. Stop being such an asshole every time I wake up on the wrong side of the bed or something."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony shook his head in a rapid and confused sort of manner.

"Alright, I could follow, I dunno, twenty percent of that, but I'm gonna say that what you're doing right now? Also has a name. Deflection." There was no use in combating every little point Thor was trying to muddy the waters with, rambling or not.

"Look. I'm not gonna do the pushing thing. You don't have to tell me, unless it pertains to our survival. Then, uh, I'd appreciate it. But I can know every trick in the book because Tony Stark wrote the book so can we agree to stop rambling back and forth about dumb little bullshit for two seconds?" His voice was starting to raise again. Thor was insistent on being as thick-headed as possible and he couldn't beat it into the man with fists, so he'd do it with words.

"I don't want you to--to give your life for me. I want you to give your life to me!"

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor blinks. The synapses in his head must not be firing off because Tony's not making any sense.

"What?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony blinked back. Thor's confusion triggered his own, at himself, as if his own admission had caught him off guard. "In a...manner of speaking."

[st_ormbreaker]

"We're..."

Thor gestures from Tony to himself, then lets his fingertip sit on his chest as he finishes his line.

"...not breaking up?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"No? No." If Tony was capable of mortification, he would have been struck down with it right then. "GOD no! Is that...? Did you want to?"

[st_ormbreaker]

"We need to talk?" Thor repeats, shaking his head. "That's a classic I'm about to break up with you line."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Oh, well, sorry. I forgot you would know." Not that Tony wouldn't, but Pepper's break-up initiations surprisingly never involved the phrase.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor frowns a tiny frown at that. He's still sensitive about Jane, even though most would attest that he should probably be over her by now.

"Apology accepted," he says, in a tone that says well, it wasn't necessary, but I'll take it anyway.

He reaches a hand out to tousle Tony's hair. "But I don't want to break up with you."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"I wanna do more than just not break up." Tony swatted Thor's hand away. "I..." He sighed. The words were hard to come by when it wasn't the heat of the moment.

"I don't...want...a future without you in it."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor gives Tony a smile -- a crooked, awkward, but truly happy kind of smile. He had said that in Thor's dreams and it felt as good hearing those words then as it does now.

"I love you too, Tony."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Okay." Tony's voice cracked, and he quickly cleared his throat and adopted a business-like posture. "So. We're in agreement."

[st_ormbreaker]

"About what part?" Thor asks. "About being in each other's futures?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"You don't need to make me say it. Unless you want to." Tony pushed his glasses up by the bridge, peering over them.

[st_ormbreaker]

"I would say I wouldn't make you say anything you did not want to say," Thor begins. "But we both know that isn't true."

Thor's lips quirk up into a slight, but perceptible smile.

"So say it."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Ah." A sheepish clacking of teeth and a soft chuckle, and Tony dropped his gaze towards the cracked earth. "I...think there's romantic and there's cheese and I'm a shower with this sort of thing." Tony gestured between Thor and himself, as if trying to negotiate some sort of deal over some farmers market trinket.