Iron Will, Iron Heart: Conductivity

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Blast. Recharge. Blast. Recharge. Blast Set up the fresh targets.

That had been Tony Stark's refrain for the last three days. The first day was dedicated solely to holding it as far from the hotel as humanly possible into the most remote desert location possible. Himself and his new toys, all alone. And the tent. There was no scenario where he wouldn't take that for the ride.

The plasma auto rifle--today's plaything--boasted rapid fire and plasma grenades. With nothing but sand, rock, and dust for miles, Tony was free to let loose. For the bigger blasts, Tony activated his armor--which was up to several minutes of stability at a time. With a sigh, the time limit ran out and he was left in his tank and fatigues bottoms. Adjusting it to the stun setting, he took aim at the few remaining targets.

Comments

[st_ormbreaker]

"Are you up to actually talking about it?" he asks without judgment.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"As I'll ever be." Tony paused, tapping his fingers on his knees. "You can decide how much you love me afterwards."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor gets up and stuffs his wrapper in the trash. He sits down next to Tony and wordlessly puts his hand down on top of one of his.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

The warmth and weight of Thor's hand atop his was reassuring, though it didn't wash away the doubt. Tony knew what side the man would have fallen on on an instinctual level.

"Hand to heart." Tony held Thor's gaze. "Everything I did, I did it to protect us." Like Ultron. Like Iron Man himself. "For what little that matters anymore."

[st_ormbreaker]

"I believe you," he says. Tony had done some astronomically stupid things sometimes -- Ultron being one of them. But Thor never doubted that he did those things out of a desire to protect others. Even if sometimes they made him want to literally throttle the man.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Government wanted to get involved after Sokovia." The best way to go about this was ripping the bandaid off--he and Thor were both direct individuals. "You knew that part--putting a restraining bolt in place. Give others a say. Keep us in--in check."

[st_ormbreaker]

"And what side did you fall on?"

Thor's pretty sure he knows the answer already.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony leaned forward, fingers pressed around the corners of his mouth. He felt like he was put right back into that moment where the team was first recieving the news.

"When I realized that my own company was one comfortable with zero accountability, I put the brakes on. Beyond that--it was either something that we'd do ourselves or would be done to us. There was no other way."

[st_ormbreaker]

"I am not trying to argue, but..." There's the briefest of pauses there. "I sincerely can not imagine anyone on Earth telling me what I could and couldn't do."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony had to swallow a year of emotion at Thor's words. It was just the facts that mattered. If they all lived and this debate were still necessary, they could battle it out then.

"Guessed as much. Rogers felt the keys should have been in the safest hands--our own. Unstoppable force meet immovable object. Argued it out before Barnes showed his face again and things got well and truly ugly."

Tony had confessed how Steve had willingly become a fugitive for the Winter Soldier's sake and what the man was to him. Truth be told, the assassination of his parents wasn't the only reason for his sheer, bitter loathing.

"Rogers goes on the run, takes Wilson, Maximoff, Barton and, ah, "Ant Man" with him. Blows get exchanged between our sides. Oh, did I mention how the Wakandan King-to-be got in on the fun? Decent young man, calls himself Black Panther. Superhero, if you couldn't tell. Wanted in on the revenge game once his father got assassinated and Barnes took the heat. Wasn't the case, as we found out after the dust from that brawl had settled, but Rogers and Barnes alone had high-tailed it to Siberia at that point. Rest is...well."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor is watching Tony as he talks about it and it isn't altogether difficult for Thor to have some idea of how painful this might be for him. Thor is convinced that no one would or could tell him what to do, let alone stop him, but he was outside of anyone's jurisdiction. He might occasionally operate on Earth, but he wasn't from the planet. He wouldn't have accepted being bound by the laws of any other land.

"What happened after they left? You had to have found them, didn't you?"

Thor remembers with absolute clarity what Thanos had said, and Tony managed to glaze over those details. Thor needed to know.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Getting there." Tony's fingers clenched his knee from under Thor's grip. "Every one of them that took Cap's side in the debate--fugitives. Imprisoned the part. God, Thor, I didn't choose that."

'If we sign this, we surrender our right to choose.' Steve Rogers' voice echoed in his head. His throat tightened and his voice dropped.

"I tried to appeal to him once more. Rogers. I thought anything was fixable with enough dialogue. Then the man orchestrating it all played the last card. The--the footage of the night. And I played right into his game. Rogers and Barnes gone, that left everyone who took his side where I left them." There was no pride, not even a touch of the sense of justification in Tony's voice--simply remorse. "They got out. Rogers came through--always does, that one. Still at large from where I'm sitting. Apparently doesn't stay that way forever."

[st_ormbreaker]

When Tony's fingers clench his knee, Thor gives the top of Tony's hand a gentle squeeze. He doesn't say anything else, not until Tony is finished. For a second there, he considers asking about the only thing unanswered from his dream, but thinks better of it. Now was probably not the time.

Instead he turns so he can more easily wrap his arms around Tony's smaller form. He doesn't let go, even when he finally opens his mouth to speak.

"Thank you for telling me."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

The urge to grieve came and went. Tony cracked a smirk and pulled back just enough to look the other man in the face. "I thought of you and Banner more than once. I knew exactly what you both would think. Did it anyway." A pause. "I'd do it differently. I don't know how, but I would."

[st_ormbreaker]

"You might not be able to do anything differently now," Thor says. "But you still have the chance to fix things when you return home."

Thor shifts one of his hands away from Tony's back and over to the side of his arm. He knew from the moment that Tony leveled the accusation that he was right: he was projecting. But Thor didn't want Tony making the same mistakes he did. He didn't want him to agonize over them the way he did. And while right now, it was clear that Tony was in pain because of it, it didn't always have to be that way; he could fix things between Steve and the others when he went back.

This wasn't permanent.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"That's the plan, after the first plan. You know the first plan." As much as Tony wanted the arms of someone to disappear into, now wasn't the time.

"I should say thanks while we're at it. For not smiting me. I would have fought back, obviously, but the most I could have done was tickle you and burrow like a prairie dog."

[st_ormbreaker]

"I wouldn't be much of a friend if I smited first, asked questions later."

Thor runs a band along of the back of Tony's head and finally lets go of him.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"You'd miss me. Even at your God's Wrathiest." Tony sat back on his haunches.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor hums pleasantly as he settles back down beside Tony. "Well, you're not wrong," he says with affection. "I try to keep my godly wrath contained when I can help it."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Alright, just a little self-indulgence. Tony leaned against his shoulder. Not that he'd be there too long--the air conditioned tent called to him.

"Have you talked to him? Rogers."

[st_ormbreaker]

"Yeah, we've talked. Hair, Banner... he hasn't talked much about himself, though."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"I miss him." Saying it out loud was sudden, enough that simply saying it was surprising to Tony's ears.

[st_ormbreaker]

"Rogers?" Thor asks, though he's fairly certain that's who he's talking about. "I don't blame you. How long have you two been apart?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"'Missing' is complicated." Tony added. "Miss what we had, infuriating as he and his perfect Jawline of Justice were. Been over a year, now."

The part of him that refused to forgive Steve was still there. Even if he carried the phone on him religiously, he never conceived of using it.

[st_ormbreaker]

"It is probably far easier said than done," Thor says, "especially since I wasn't there to witness it, but whatever differences you had will hardly matter once Thanos arrives."

Thor suddenly wishes he had something to drink, but he didn't have the foresight to pack anything other than water.

"I don't want you to regret anything, Tony."