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[st_arkravinghazelnut]

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[st_arkintern]

The market for Spider-Man is pretty small.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Lot of room for growth. That's why I'm investing.

[st_arkintern]

Well, I already have at least one person who I possibly end up married to and another that things are pretty serious with.

I never really thought that was going to happen.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

I'm not gonna have to warn you about the dangers of reckless web slinging, am I?

[st_arkintern]

I know how to use a condom, Dad.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Good.

Next up: making The Tender Knob. It's a nice autumn drink.

[st_arkintern]

I really don't know what to say to that drink name.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Maybe the Mountain Dew Me suits your fancy more.

Or the Dirty Orgasm.

[st_arkintern]

No and no.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Sex With An Alligator?

[st_arkintern]

Okay, now you're making fun of me.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Coconut rum, melon liquor, pineapple juice, raspberry liquor, and Jagermeister. It'll rot your teeth off.

What's your preference? Beer? Straight spirits? Wine?

[st_arkintern]

I don't really have a preference. It's not like I'm drinking all the time.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

With that spidey metabolism I'm sure you wouldn't get light on your feet.

[st_arkintern]

I did once, but it took a lot.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Well, we'll discover that together.

The preference. Not the upper limits. I don't condone binge drinking.

[st_arkintern]

Anymore.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Indeed.

[st_arkintern]

Can you really pee in the Iron Man suit?

The news always uses this embarrassing photo of me leaving a Porta Potty. I wish I could just take photos of myself so they'd stop using that picture.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

We don't talk about that.

[st_arkintern]

I've done stupid things as Spider-Man, too.

[st_arkintern]

You remember that night you fished me out of the lake?

Ned told everyone that I knew Spider-Man during gym class one day and this guy, Flash, said that I should invite Spider-Man to Liz's party.

[st_arkintern]

I was really ticked off at Ned for saying that because everyone already gave me a hard time over the meeting Iron Man thing.

[st_arkintern]

Ned wanted me to show up as Spider-Man to show up Flash and give him fist bump or something. Neither one of us is really popular and I think Ned's more self-conscious about it than I am.

[st_arkintern]

I tell Ned I'm not going to do it.

We show up at the party and Flash is DJing and the second he sees me he starts making fun of me. Over the speakers so everyone can hear it.