Tony & Loki - Grudging Adoptions

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

His first official night at the Madonna Hotel was, without a doubt, the worst night of sleep Tony Stark had ever had. Just, the worst. One would think that a lot of wandering, drinking, drunken wandering, pacing, and fruitless flight attempts on top of cutting off his stream of caffeine would have made him sleep come easier, but no. Nothing would make the knowledge that he was sleeping in a literal cave fine. No, not just a literal cave, a room drafted to look like a literal cave that some interior designer thought was a good idea.

And somehow, waking up to face the day in one was even worse.

Tony angrily adjusted his position on the red couch (the only part of the room that was kind of acceptable) to stare at the wall and list off all the things he committed to doing that day because what else was he going to do while he willed himself to get up?

Introduce himself to the guests? No, not on his life. Not today.

Find a job? Still a no on that one, good buddy.

Finally announce his presence to Peter? Shit, he actually committed to that one.

"Ugh." That teeny expression of woe was all Tony could muster as he rolled onto his back and rubbed his eyes. Despite how badly he wanted to flake that day of all days, he just knew he couldn't.

Comments

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Whatever it was that appeared moved in a blur too quickly for Tony's exhausted mind to follow.

Unacceptable.

A high pitched whine filled the air as energy gathered in Iron Man's armored palm, and his eyes locked onto the pinpoint of space the bench occupied. Maybe it was the room, his anger with life in general, his lack of sleep, knowledge in the fact that the room would just rebuild itself in the end or a combination of all of the above, but the bench was rapidly splintered into tiny pieces by his repulsors.

"Consider that your one and only warning shot." Tony's voice dropped to a cold snarl. He had been careful enough with the energy output so as to not harm whatever was hiding under it, but would scarcely be so kind a second time.

[st_ratagem]

That was impressive! Loki almost dove for the bed in the little alcove to see if he could goad Stark into blowing that up too. But it seemed very possible that he really wouldn't aim to miss the next time, and a whim wasn't a strong enough reason to show off his survival skills.

Instead, Loki let the body drive, hunkered down with puffed-out fur and let out a tiny "mew?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

'Mew?' Tony lowered his arm a few inches as his brain worked with his ears to make sense of what he was seeing.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y., did that just meow?" He felt the need to ask someone, anyone, and his AI seemed like the least-dumb option.

"Cat confirmed, Boss. I have no protocol for this situation."

"Yeah, that was for when we got Pepper one for Christmas..." His armor receded, and Tony sagged without it there as his exoskeleton. "All that excitement, and for what? Now I feel bad, cat. Thanks for that one."

[st_ratagem]

It was a very, very good thing that cats didn't actually grin or laugh. Stark's confusion and dejection were very nearly delicious. Loki meowed a you're welcome and lashed his tail a little, stirring some of the fluff left over from the exploding bench.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Raising his hands disarmingly, Tony made a slow approach to the aggrieved animal. Bending over, he brushed the debris off its furry hide, lifting it into his arm.

"Yeah, this is the bone I wanted the universe to throw me. A cat." He murmured, grooming the jet-black fur of any splinters with his fingers. It was the least he could do.

He checked for a tag, or some other indicator of ownership. No good. "Have a name, little..." Lifting it by the scruff, he peered beneath its tail. "Guy?"

[st_ratagem]

Loki wasn't especially distressed by the manhandling, more amused that Stark of all people was the first person to specifically check him.

That would, at some point in the future, be hilarious.

Less funny and more aggravating: again a mortal asked a cat to give its name! Did none of them realize cats didn't speak? He squeaked instead, a meaningless noise for the sake of pretending to participate.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Well I've got a name for you, yes I do." Tony bounced the kitten in his arm, turning around. His voice was sickly sweet with false sentimentality. "Cacafuego. Do you like the sound of that, you little bat-faced piece of shit? I think you do."

Pulling out a drawer, Tony arranged the linens into something roughly comfortable looking. "Look, Cacafuego!" He plopped the kitten directly into it. "A bed!"

[st_ratagem]

This was much more fun than he'd imagined it would be. Stark was obviously having a breakdown of some kind. Maybe he wasn't as philosophical about temporary confinement as Loki had learned to be? That would make sense.

At some point it would probably stop being funny, but that point was not yet. Loki bounced out of the drawer as if his feet had springs and ran to jump on the red sofa and curl up there instead.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony blinked hard. In one moment, the kitten was there, and the next he wasn't.

"Aaaaaaaaah." His head followed the small black bullet as it made a beeline for the one spot he didn't feel like having it. No, they were not doing this right now.

"Hey, Caca, off the couch. It's, like, the one thing I almost can pretend I like about this place." He spoke to the animal like it was a perfectly reasonable human being he was able to negotiate with. He plucked the feline up by the scruff once again, walking him right back to his designated 'bed.'

[st_ratagem]

Loki let himself dangle from the hold at the back of his neck, subtly twitching a muscle here and there to make his swing a little more pronounced.

Once again, as soon as he was released into the drawer, he bounced out again. This time he beelined for the actual bed in the alcove, just to see what would happen.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony tossed up his hands again. If this was the universe challenging his will, fine, the universe could have this win.

"Didn't even want it, Caca. Didn't even want it." Turning on his heel, he tossed his tired bag of bones at the couch's inviting surface to land face down. His body trembled with a muffled groan that sounded tremendously close to an outright sob.

[st_ratagem]

Really? That was all it took, really? Barely-counts-as-confinement and a kitten, to break 'Iron Man'? Loki watched him for a few seconds. Yes, it was still funny, and he fully intended to use it against Stark if - no, when he wanted to mock the man. At the same time, though, it was... sad.

The sheer novelty of feeling bad about someone's suffering kept Loki occupied for several seconds.

Then he jumped off the bed and bounced back to the couch and onto Stark. He settled himself in the middle of the man's back, precisely in the place that would be hardest for arms or hands to reach.

Then he started to purr. There were limits to pity.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony's body trembled again as he felt tiny pinpricks climb his ribs to settle in his back. When the purring came, it seemed to ease the knot of tension the kitten had created simply by being there. He peered over his shoulder, catching green eyes peering back.

"...Are you seriously a cat? I swear you know what you're doing." Tony dropped his head sideways onto the cushion of his arm. "No, I take that back. That's what cats--that's what they do."

His erratic breathing slowly settled. The weight on him wasn't much, but it was grounding.

"Sorry, Caca. I've just--I've had a long night. And it's gonna be a longer day. And I frankly don't know what to do about it."

[st_ratagem]

Loki shifted slightly so that when he started kneading, it landed right on Stark's spine. Possibly painful, possibly simply intense, but not ignorable. On some levels, Loki understood Stark's sentiment: imprisonment could drive one to beat on the 'walls' while making every action seem useless. It was exhausting.

On other levels, however, Loki was annoyed. Still amused at his current toy, but in an annoyed way. Imprisonment, in Loki's experience, was like anything else: the more you did it, the better you got at it. There was no 'what to do about it' beyond keeping watch for opportunities.

And, periodically, finding ways to sink claws into people in the guise of being a happy creature who didn't know any better.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony's jaw tightened at the prickles working their way through his shirt and to his skin. Kneading was something cats did when they were happy, right? Yeah...

"You really bounce back from nearly being vaporized by the scary asshole in the red armor. Thanks for being a good sport about that one, Caca. Most aren't." He rolled over, scooping the kitten's tiny body into his palm to hold him above his chest. He stared hard at his furry form, as if that would tell him anything he needed to know about where he came from.

This cat was obviously old enough to get around on his own, but Tony felt doubtful he could do much else for himself. Was there a mom missing her kitten? Did the hotel decide humans weren't exciting enough and it needed to abduct pets now, too? To say nothing of how a kitten snuck into his room in the first place, but that was far from the weirdest thing to happen in the short time Tony had been there.

"You probably don't have a lot of friends here if you're sticking it out with me, little guy."

[st_ratagem]

I don't have friends at all. The thought in reply was no longer bitter or angry... or at least, not as much as it had been, once. He was used to it now, and he'd found certain compensations in being a side of one.

Then, because he was a kitten, he bit at Stark's thumb. Not hard! Not to injure so much as it being a thing cats did sometimes, related to hunting instincts no doubt. Annoying, slightly painful, nothing more.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Okay, okay." Tony set the kitten back down on his chest, raising his hands acquiescently. "I'll respect your boundaries, you respect mine. Especially if I'm the guy you chose to keep you safe from the bear. Deal?"

Oh yes, there was no sleeping for anyone today.

"And the guy feeding you. And cleaning up after you. Assuming you really did just run in here from nowhere and I can't get a better match going." Tony rolled off the side of the couch, cat back in arm. "I won't even hover. I'll let you do your own thing. Just go where you're supposed to go and scratch up everything but the couch." He wasn't certain why he was suddenly trying to sell himself to a cat like he was a potential employer, but there he was.

[st_ratagem]

Loki suspected that scratching things up would be less fun with permission, so he made a mental note to only scratch the couch if he decided to scratch anything. As for the rest, he could take care of himself and his thrall (whose name he would eventually have to learn, probably) was already taking care of most kitten needs anyway.

So making this deal would be just like making no deal: no actual change for Loki save that he'd gain ready access to someone he could watch and gain secondhand knowledge of Thor's doings. He meowed.