Cats in the Cradle

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

What brought Tony Stark up to the roof was the well-developed model of Peter Parker's little quirks he carried with him in his head--his Fatherly Sense, simply put. Whenever the teen wanted to put distance between himself and the rest of the world, it was at the highest ground he could reach.

Tony's sole propulsors 'wooshed' softly as he lowered to stand, his armor fleeing to leave him in a simple coat. All the snow from earlier in the month had long since gone, leaving the mild California nights. In the center of the roof laid Peter, catching filtered moonlight.

"Hey." Peter was awake. Tony only had to take one look at him to know.

Comments

[st_arkintern]

Peter can hear the Iron Man suit before Tony actually speaks, but he doesn't open his eyes or move from where he's sprawled out on the roof.

"Go back to the party, Tony."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Christ. "You're gonna have to try harder than that."

[st_arkintern]

Peter shrugs as best as he can while still laying down.

"Don't go back to the party, then."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"You sound tired." Approaching, Tony sat adjacent to Peter a few feet away.

[st_arkintern]

Peter doesn't say anything.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony opened his mouth, though the act of speaking--something he was always too good at doing--he suddenly realized he'd taken for granted when the words tripped over themselves on the way up. He leaned back on a hand, staring ahead at the dark silhouettes of conifers that surrounded the hotel.

"...It's been awhile. Bedtime or no. I'm gonna tell you a story."

[st_arkintern]

Peter doesn't move from where he lies.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"There's this young man I met." Tony began, still where he sat. "Lives in Queens with his aunt. Protects people just because it's the right thing to do."

[st_arkintern]

Peter listens, but still says nothing.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"He's good. I spend the days watching him grow and learn. This boy of mine--I think he's starting to get a grasp on how good. And I'm proud." Tony tucked his fingers into his arms. Even with his thermoregulated suit, the warmth was draining out of him.

"And I worry. But I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful he'll fill my shoes without making my mistakes." He brought his hands back around to his front, useless as they were, knitting them together.

"And then his future ends before he can make any of his own."

[st_arkintern]

Peter takes a breath at that, the first audible sound he's made since he snapped at Tony with his Don't go back to the party, then.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Explanations ran through Tony's head a mile a minute, but they all felt too trite. Waxing physics and cold logic soothed him in his times of stress, but it wasn't where he had to come from as a father or even as another human being. No, ripping himself open and exposing every emotional deficit was what it took. So he did.

"I can't imagine what you're going through right now, Pete. I can't."

[st_arkintern]

Peter doesn't even know how to begin to respond to that.

"How did you find out I know?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Because I saw the same thing." Tony cleared his throat quietly, refusing to let it lock up. "And even if I hadn't, I could have figured. I've known the truth for awhile."

[st_arkintern]

Peter had figured out that last piece awhile ago. He abruptly sits up, eyes flaring with anger.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why did I have to find out from -- why did I have to find out from me?"

Peter attempts to bite back his anger, but he doesn't quite succeed.

"All of you knew and none of you told me about it. I'm old enough to die, but not old enough for anyone to be honest with me!"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Half of us don't know." Tony clarified, his voice almost robotic. His mind was trying to enter a mechanical, protective state. "I was going to tell you. Tell them. Got beaten to the punch."

[st_arkintern]

"Were you?" Peter doubts it. "How long have you known and not said anything to me?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Few months." The exact number, Tony couldn't recall in his head in that moment. There were only flashes of emotion in place of the all the memories leading up to this moment--anger, grief, bitterness--that heated him beneath the surface.

[st_arkintern]

"So what was a few more? And a few more after that?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony leaned forward into his palm. A low, heavy breath from deep in his lungs left his body in a puff of mist.

"Pete..."

[st_arkintern]

Tony's response doesn't do anything to mitigate Peter's anger or his sense of righteousness. That single word -- his name -- was proof enough to him that Tony was never going to admit it unless he pushed him to.

"Just be honest with me! Tell me you weren't going to tell me instead of telling me you were going to!"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Christ--PETER!" Once again, every reasonable and articulate point he had formed in his was coming out in a roar of desperation and sound.

"You're my kid! You're my goddamn kid and my intentions didn't matter for shit here because I didn't know how to admit I couldn't protect you!"

[st_arkintern]

"It's not your responsibility to protect me!"

If the din of the party inside hadn't drowned them out, they almost certainly would have attracted attention from people inside.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"So whose responsibility is it." Though Tony had been shouting over Peter, his voice suddenly dropped.

[st_arkintern]

Peter's voice drops so he's no longer yelling.

"It's my responsibility."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Good goal. I mean it. Unfortunately you'll have to deal with my stupid face for a few years before I'll cede the duty." Tony didn't reign in his emotion so much as channel it, this time.

[st_arkintern]

"We're not going to have a few years," Peter snaps, and it's only after the words have left his mouth that he realizes how sharp they came out. He stops there for a moment, swallows, and attempts to readjust the tone of his voice. "We're not. And I don't want you thinking that I was your responsibility and that me dying is somehow on you."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"We are going to have a few years. A lot more than that. Because I am not letting what we saw happen to you." Tony's gaze was fierce, ablaze with absolute conviction.

[st_arkintern]

"You were the only one who managed to get a scratch on him. The only one. How can we possibly win against that? We can't..."
Peter looks down at his hands. "We can't win."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Shaking his head, Peter was in Tony's arms in a second. He held Peter together, as if the boy could disintegrate at the next wind.

[st_arkintern]

Peter hesitates when Tony throws his arms around him, as though he's not sure how to respond appropriately. He's accepted his fate, he's ready for it, and yet he's afraid. He told himself that because he knew, that moment wouldn't be as scary because he could prepare himself for it, but more than once in the last week, he's found himself struck with the same desperate fear he saw in the face of the other-him. The one who realized he was going to die like all the rest. The one who felt it before it happened. The one that fought desperately against it.

There's no fight in Peter now, just the acceptance that this is how things are going to be.

His arms start to circle Tony's body, but they don't quite fold over them. He realizes now that he's shaking and his arms finally respond and he clutches Tony with the same fierceness he holds him.

Peter buries his face in Tony's shoulder and wonders if Richard Parker would comfort him in the same way. He wonders this because thinking about his dead father is still better than thinking about his future.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles into Tony's chest.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“I don’t know how yet. Be sad. Be angry. Be whatever you goddamn need to be just—“ Tony almost choked on his words as they came out in a strained murmur, holding onto Peter for dear life, “—just have hope. Just an ounce.”

[st_arkintern]

Peter nods his head, though his face never leaves Tony's shoulder. He doesn't really know what he's nodding at because right now, everything really feels hopeless. They've felt hopeless ever since that other Peter showed him what his future was going to be like.

But he wants Tony to believe he can. And maybe someday, that lie will become truth and he will have that ounce of hope. But right now, he has none of it, but he still nods anyway.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“I’m persevering because I believe. So does Thor. So did you.” Tony buried his cheek in the untamed mop of brown hair. If there was one thing for certain, it’s that Peter was staying with him in his room.

[st_arkintern]

"Okay," Peter says, his voice cracking. He nods again, because it's the best he can manage right now.