Dog Days

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"How was your New Years?" No sooner had Tony plopped down on the stool beside his brother-in-law to be was he making small talk, leaning well over to get the chef's attention. The kitten antics had subsided naturally as both men seemed to have rebounded from the trauma of the holiday season--rather manically, in Tony's case. He wasn't bouncing off the walls as he was on New Years Eve, though he had a rather large spring in his step.

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[st_ratagem]

Loki sipped his tea, letting Stark twitch to his heart’s content. One advantage of arriving before Stark was that he could have something to occupy himself if he needed to ignore the man for a second. “It passed, as they all do. I assume yours went well.”

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Aside from hauling one of the kids to the infirmary, pretty decent." Tony patted the counter, already knowing exactly what he was after--a nice red pepper bisque. "Catch any lips at countdown?"

[st_ratagem]

“Of course not.” No need to turn the question around, since obviously Stark and Thor would have been glued to each other. “I remain myself, and I made sure to leave well before midnight.”

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Ever the island, eh?" Tony settled back down into his stool, pressing his fingers together as he awaited his glass of water. "Another special day's coming up, if I recall."

[st_ratagem]

“Such is life. I’ve never been much for parties or holidays.” Particularly those that required things he didn’t (couldn’t!) have. Of course he left early when staying just meant standing alone in a sea of couples. But never mind. “Less special at 1500-something, but I’m sure Thor will appreciate the attention.”

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Wouldn't even appreciate the chance to make a little mischief?" Tony welcomed the glass of water as it was filled, frowning to see it 80% ice. Should've clarified.

[st_ratagem]

“On certain occasions it’s better to go unnoticed.” Most occasions, and not just when mischief was a possibility. On this kind, though.... “Entirely absent, if I can get away with it, a brief appearance as a snake if not.” The snake would please Thor enough to let him get away the rest of the time, probably.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"You can't tell me denying your nature doesn't get stifling." Tony clapped a hand on Loki's shoulder, carefully spooning the ice out of his glass and into another with the other. "Birthday's a good excuse as any to let loose."

[st_ratagem]

“I can let my brother have his day, once in a while.” Loki shrugged, which would have the added benefit of dislodging Stark’s hand. And draw his attention away from the fact that Loki had hidden one of his hands enough to shift it blue and freeze the rest of the water in his glass. “It’s nothing. I’ll get by, stifled or no.”

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Oh, come on." Prodding again, Tony gripped the glass and applied a bit of controlled heat via his armored grip, melting the rest. "You're not the only one wanting to shake up the monotony."

[st_ratagem]

“There speaks someone who’s never been in prison before.” Loki sipped his tea. “I assure you, numb monotony is the way to go. You’ll barely notice the months. Or years.”

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"So I'm barking up the wrong tree for a little magical mischief?" Tony worked his jaw with his hand this way and that, squinting at the mere thought of soliciting Illyana for such a thing. She seemed vaguely charmed by his brief serenade--he probably peaked with her there.

[st_ratagem]

“Mischief is meant to be fun for me. I’m not a trained seal barking to amuse others. And if I can escape birthday times without anyone the wiser, that’s best.” A pulse of effort, less than it had been but still murderously difficult without his staff as a focus, froze Stark’s water again. “Provides you understand all that, I might be open to ideas.”

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Hey, barring adequate compensation, I am interested in a mutually beneficial exchange." Tony aimed a little finger laser at the block inhabiting his glass, melting it bit by bit. "I might even submit to being the spell target."

[st_ratagem]

“Mutually beneficial is not how I work,” Loki scoffed, and let the man wrestle his drink back to liquid form. “That’s how horrifying stories with moral endings get started.”

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“Which is somehow worse than falling into a numbness stupor.” Tony chipped away at the ice, carving his own face in the solid. “Hear me out, first.”

[st_ratagem]

“I said I was willing to hear ideas! You decided to veer off into morality tale.” Loki was just as glad that the man was cheering away again, but come on! “You’re as bad at listening as Thor is.”

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“Yeah, I get that, anyway—me.” Tony pointed at himself, circling his finger around his face. “Morphed. Some adequately nimble animal for easy escape. I make the armor wander around and see how long it takes people to figure out.”

[st_ratagem]

“Not long, I’d think. You talk.” It was one of his better qualities, as far as Loki was concerned. But the idea was enticing. “No small rodents or small birds. You’re not used to evading predators. Nothing small enough to be stepped on. I don’t need to be accused of trying to kill you. No rabbits.”

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony simply nodded as he carved the minute details of his armored face into the glass, sparing a quizzical look at the bluntness of the last bit.

[st_ratagem]

“Rabbits are... single-minded. You might not come back. I’d laugh until I hyperventilated, but Thor would be forced to murder me and feed you lettuce until you died.” He was tempted to laugh just thinking about it, which was the best reason not to actually do it. “Would you have any preferences?”

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony trembled with a note of laughter, though he had the decency to make an exaggerated frown afterwards (barely.) “Not a horse, I wouldn’t cope well with getting wrangled. Or ridden.” Between Valkyrie, Snow, and Regina, every horse wrangler there was too intense for comfort.

Giving it a moment of thought, the answer seemed obvious. “Lazy answer, my Chinese zodiac sign. Dog.”

[st_ratagem]

Horses were a little big, too. The appetite alone would be hard to manage between Stark not being used to the shape and his ordinary appetite issues. “Dog works. It’ll be interesting to see if you can manage.”

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Something with fur is all I ask. Plenty of it." Assuming his arc reactor wouldn't properly fit or even respond if it did, there were no adequately tiny sweaters to jump into.

[st_ratagem]

"I'm sure I can arrange that." 'Plenty of fur' was a lot of good options. "Also. You'll be a scent-based quadruped with very little fine dexterity instead of a sight-based biped with opposable thumbs. The magic will handle the translation, if you let the body manage itself and avoid overthinking."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

It would have been an enormous lie to say that Tony wasn't doing this out of a little scientific curiosity--though it was surely something he wouldn't have considered doing were he not mind-meltingly stir-crazy. "Let's say 24 hours. You know." Likely not long enough to master the art of being a dog but surely long enough to decide if he cared for it or not.

'Thor seemed happy enough.'

[st_ratagem]

“Do feel free to say whatever you want.” It wasn’t like a dog would be in any position to whine about or enforce an agreement, after all, and a little bit of threat was part of the fun. “Now, later, or by ambush?”

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Evening. Surprise me." Gave him time to get a few things in order and SSS. He wasn't Tony Stark without building in a million little contingencies after all. He'd expect Loki to take enough into account that would maximize the...fun of it all--something else to plan around.

[st_ratagem]

“Fair enough.” It would be easy enough to sneak upon the man, catch him alone, especially since Loki wouldn’t have to be physically present. An illusion would do for spellcasting purposes, or even a simple and brief consciousness projection. The trick was making the change inconvenient without rendering it meaningless.

Alone, that was the key thing. It wouldn’t do to change him in front of Thor or one of the alleged children. “Surprise is generally a solid tactic.”

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“Not in the shower.” Tony committed to fully melting his drink.

[st_ratagem]

“It’s not to my benefit to trap you in a small space. You won’t be able to open doors.” The shower door was a simple push, but other doors weren’t so easygoing. “The bathroom in general is probably out.”

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Probably. "This gonna hurt?"

[st_ratagem]

"I don't think so." Loki turned his most innocent look on Stark, just for fun. "But then, am I the best person to ask? Part of the reason I like Valkyrie's company is her willingness to take a knife to me."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“Dare I ask?” What was it with Asgardians and their reckless stabbing? You hate someone? Stab. You love someone? Stab. Mild annoyance? Stab. Enthusiastic greeting? Stab.

Though, Thor never relished it so much as he tolerated it—or saw it as a game between the two. If he was into it Tony was fairly certain he’d have gotten the hint by now.

[st_ratagem]

"What's to ask? She's very good with a blade." Whether it was personal or impersonal, it didn't matter. "Sparring with her is very entertaining."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony squinted. “I’ve been told I’m a decent wingman.”

[st_ratagem]

"What? No." Even if he'd needed the help - which for a wonder he did not, so far - that wasn't how things worked. "It's never like that, believe me."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

‘I tried, Thor.’ Tony took a swig off his melted water, making a face at the odd taste. “Bonus points if you post a Lost Dog notice. You know. Spin a narrative.”

[st_ratagem]

"We'll see." It might be funnier just to amplify the mystery of the dog suddenly roaming around. Lost dogs happened all the time. A mysterious dog roaming for unknown reasons, causing random chaos to erupt in its wake? Much more interesting.