But Not Us

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"I worried you." Thor had already claimed his usual spot on Tony's proud red couch while the ever dutiful WALL-E fetched them their usual refreshments when Tony piped up from where he leaned back against his desk. His journal sat within finger-length distance of his hand atop a stack of papers, still somewhat warm from where it had been sitting on the engineer's lap as he prepared himself for Thor's visit.

Comments

[st_ormbreaker]

"You frequently do," Thor teases with a smile. "Did everything go all right?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"He knows I love him." A vanishing smile came and went on Tony's face. "I count it a resounding success."

[st_ormbreaker]

"I thought it was obvious," Thor says, still smiling. "I think you've gotten a lot better about expressing your affections since you first arrived here."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Yeah. Well." Tony prodded the straw through the plastic hole preventing access to his cranberry juice. "At the end of the day, I don't know who's on a shorter timetable."

[st_ormbreaker]

"Better to say all the things that need saying now," Thor says. He'd delayed telling everyone what happened so long and now he knew if Tony or Quill returned home without knowing what he knew, he would have regretted it for the rest of his life -- and he had plenty to regret already.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“I’ve planned extensively for my own departure. Take my word for it.” Tony began to pace, chin resting upon his knuckles. “But for yours? Or Peter’s? Roger’s? ...Crossing that bridge now.” He stopped, turning to face his partner fully.

“So. If you’ll indulge me. This is my goodbye.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Try as he might, Thor isn't quite understanding.

"What?" he asks, eyes trained on Tony's face, even as he paces the room.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“You could be gone tomorrow. Can I look deep inside myself and be satisfied that I said everything I wanted to say?” He swayed on the balls of his feet.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor takes a breath. He doesn't want to consider the possibility that Tony might someday leave this place. Leave him behind.

His lips still quirk into a smile. "What do you want to say that you haven't said already?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“To you? Probably nothing.” He admitted, closing his eyes. “Only that...That I want to get to know you. That I’d hoped we’d always be together so I can keep knowing you. That I want you to know me, too.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor knits his fingers together.

"Tony, when we go back, I'm not going to let you out of my life," he says. "Even if we aren't together, I'm always going to root for your happiness."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony smiled at that--he had to. It made him happy to hear in a simple way.

"You could have turned me down back then...you know. Going full force into that--that barrier."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor smiles back. "I had no reason to."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Or when I asked to stay in your bed." He continued, the sway moving to his hips where he leaned back against his desk. "Or when I asked you to marry me."

[st_ormbreaker]

"But I didn't and I never would."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Any other Avenger? Yeah." The wry chuckle that left his lips said it all.

"But not you."

Even if Tony could have moved to touch him then, he didn't. "In another one of those branching timelines...well. Useless to speculate. Good for them...wherever they are."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor stands up and closes the space between them, then sets a hand against the side of Tony's face. He bends down and kisses him on the forehead, then tilts Tony's chin up with his hand so he can look him in the eyes.

"I love you," he says to him.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"...That's all she wrote." His heavy head settled into the firm grip of Thor's hand. He knew if he let himself indulge in the touch much longer he'd lose his will to do what had to be done.

Thor had a right to know, after all.

He took the hand beneath his chin gave it a squeeze, lowering it to their sides. "I told you I did what I do best, right? Planning for every outcome. I realized something."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor's chest clenches with worry at Tony's declaration. "What?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"We could fail." His expression steeled. "What then?"

[st_ormbreaker]

"We won't fail," Thor says resolutely. "Not with what you know now."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"And you?"

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor smiles joylessly. "I've already failed."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“Yeah.” Taking his turn, he lifted Thor’s chin up—his left hand rising with him to reveal a crimson gauntlet formed over it.

“And it doesn’t have to stay that way.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor's eyes widen at the sight of it and once the shock wears enough for him to react to it, he does so without hesitation.

"There is no way I will allow you to wield it," he says, shaking his head.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“I can’t test the theory here. But if it means we can wield them...” Tony’s armored fingers flexed slowly in their nanotech shell, eyeing the cavities.

“It’s not over. Not for me. Not for you.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor's eyes never leave Tony's face, even as his fingers move within the gauntlet.

"On Knowhere, there was a woman who touched an Infinity Stone and the explosion nearly leveled the Collector's mansion," Thor says. "I need you to understand how dangerous these stones are. They should not be meddled with by anyone except those with the capacity to safely wield them."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“I’m not my own first choice.” Tony gripped Thor’s hand with it, a wry smile touching his lips.

[st_ormbreaker]

The anxiety visibly rushes from Thor's face at Tony's answer.

"Thank you," he says, and he grips Tony's armored hand tightly in turn.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“I’m not giving you permission to call it quits. Don’t let the Tony of your reality off the hook, either.” Tony brought up their joined hands—palms pressed together as their fingers splayed parallel.

He could already see himself—feel himself adrift in the fallout. Whatever was left of that Tony Stark, it was one who’d given up all hope of even living to see whatever came next.

[st_ormbreaker]

"I don't plan on it," Thor says, letting his hand remain flush with Tony's. "Wherever he is, I'm going to find him and we will make this right."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Thor’s words settled comfortably in his chest. He believed the man’s vow in a way he hadn’t before. His armored fingers slid between Thor’s, heating and tightening.

“If you only remember this: Thanos will live to regret leaving us only half dead.”

[st_ormbreaker]

"He will." Thor will make sure of it, no matter what. "I promise, when I return, I won't make the same mistakes."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Satisfied, Tony stepped back. "Guess I just wanted to hear you say it 'one last time.'" He chuckled, the gauntlet vanishing where it would rest. Waiting.

[st_ormbreaker]

"One last time?" Thor repeats, brow raised. "You make it sound like one of us is leaving now."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"You know. Just in case." Tony's small smile grew into a grin. He felt relieved, somehow, just admitting it out loud...exhausting it as it was.

[st_ormbreaker]

"Just in case," Thor repeats, smiling back at him. "I'm thankful for this place and what it's given me." True, this place has been the source of so much anguish and frustration, but at the same time, it had given him what he needed so he could start to heal:

Time. People. A break from everything that was still waiting for him back home.

"If it weren't for this place, we wouldn't be together as we are now and there isn't a day that I'm not grateful for it."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

'Stars burn brightly. Not forever.' Again, his own words being repeated by that little voice on his shoulder.

"When all's said and done...it's been fun." He mirrored Thor's upright posture, falling into harmony with the larger man as he did so naturally now. "Stay with me as I work?"

[st_ormbreaker]

"As long as you want me to."