Old Man (Look At My Life)

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

I appreciate you telling me. I'll see you soon.

Tony stared at the words he'd written to Liz as he sat hunched over his journal. The breeze coming from the window by the bed he'd welcomed was too cold, now.

Peter went home.

Where was home? Right. New York. When was the last time he'd even seen New York--oh. A year to the date. Seriously? A year ago and a flight test gone awry, and now he was in a honeymoon cabin down on a lake while Peter...went home. Gone. If his brain were less blank, he'd have immediately made some conclusions with the timing of it all.

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[st_ormbreaker]

It doesn't take longer than a moment for Thor to realize when he enters the room that something is off. That wrongness is practically radiating at Tony, who is staring down at the journal in his lap with the same look Thor got in his eye when he was looking down at Jane's notes.

Thor makes his way to the bed and sits down beside Tony. He sets a hand on his back and gives it an affectionate little rub. "Is everything all right?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

When Tony looked up, he couldn’t be sure of the face he was making. He slid the open pages to Thor’s lap silently.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor reads. Liz reaching out alone would have raised some red flags if he hadn't seen the expression on Tony's face. Once he is done reading, he shuts the journal, leans forward and presses his lips against Tony's forehead.

"What do you want to do?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“I want to talk to him.” Tony reclaimed the journal quickly as it held countless of Peter’s thoughts.

[st_ormbreaker]

"To Peter?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“This is what I was afraid of,” Tony chuckled humorlessly, folding his forearms over the book. “Is he safe? Is he warm? Is he—Thor, I can’t stop wondering.“

[st_ormbreaker]

There is no way of knowing if someone who went home was safe or happy or remembered any of this life. All anyone could do was speculated. This was the one universal truth of the inn.

With what they knew of their future, there was very little to feel positive about.

"Any version of you that's out there with him would make sure he was."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

“I won’t be with him for long.” Any part of Tony that thought he’d be slightly ready for this possibility was cast into shame. “Call me insane, but...he’s out there. I can feel it.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor shakes his head a little. "It's not crazy."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

Tony sat still, suspended in silence. His thoughts were spiraling and he could only give himself a harsh pinch. He was both hollow and heavy.

"No matter how hard I try, I can't keep him safe. Not completely."

[st_ormbreaker]

"Not forever, no," Thor agrees, setting a hand back down on Tony's shoulder. "All you can really do is make sure they have what they need to protect themselves."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"It could be anyone of us, next." Tony's glasses dissolved and he rubbed at an eye. The thoughts of Peter were too much. "I know that. You know that."

[st_ormbreaker]

"I know." It's something that's almost always on the edge of his mind -- the understanding that his happy domestic life here at the inn might suddenly be swallowed up by the painful reality awaiting him when he returned home.

"You know, this -- all of this -- has made me happier than I have been in a long time." Now seems the right time to say it. "You make me happy and I am so grateful for whatever time we have here."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Stop," He insisted, though it was wry. "Actually, don't. I need it. I need you."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor pulls Tony into his side with a squeeze. "I need you too. I needed you when you showed up here and then there you were."

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"Fate, right?" What Thor always swore by, after all. Tony sunk into his side--Thor's bare skin still smelled faintly of salt and surf.

[st_ormbreaker]

"Yes," Thor breathes. "Fate."

Perhaps it was fate's choice that Peter go home, too. Thor isn't sure. But he is sure that there must be some meaning in it, even if it might not feel like it now.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"If you dream of him...tell me, won't you?" His fingertips idly stroked the surface of the moleskin journal.

[st_ormbreaker]

"I promise," he says. Thor wonders if he will, or of he can use what Corbie taught him before she left to make it so.

He will at least try.

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"The kids," Tony suddenly said. "God, the kids."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor hums at that. Other kids had left the inn before, but none with the same close circle Peter had. His absence would be more keenly felt.

"When do you want to go back?"

[st_arkravinghazelnut]

"For everyone's sanity, keep me under lock and key." As difficult as it was not to meddle and as godless as the inn was, there was humanity. There were chains of support that didn't need Iron Man swooping in.

Tony leaned up, then, wrapping his arms around Thor's neck, squeezing as hard as he could. The beauty of his husband was that he could take it. Don't let go.

[st_ormbreaker]

"I'll keep you locked up then," he says, wrapping his arms around him with a firm little squeeze. "For as long as you want me to."